Spanking - You should try other ways to discipline your child.
Spanking children is one of most controversial issues of contemporary times. For many parents it is a common way of stopping unacceptable behaviour. Many of today's adults were spanked during their childhood. This fact did not stop them from using the same punishment on their own children as, according to the statistics, today almost 90 percent of parents spank their children from time to time. Most of them do that because they think it is effective. Even though in many cultures spanking is considered to work well, there are good reasons for using other methods of punishment. There are psychological and sociological proofs that spanking can do more harm than good to young children. The reasons for not using spanking as well as some alternatives to this method of punishment will be discussed in the following chapters of this essay.
Parents do not spank children without any reason. They usually do so because they think that it is effective. But why do they think that spanking works? Spanking shows that they do not approve of what was done by their children. It is a way of saying 'Stop that behaviour! I do not like it!'. They do no need to use words as hitting brings the desired results. Moreover, spanking is very unpleasant so they know that it will get children's immediate attention. As soon as children are spanked they usually stop their misbehaviour and they are carefully listening to the parents. This is why many people believe that by spanking they can make their children respect them. However, spanking does not work as well as many people believe and there are good reasons why it should be avoided.
Parents who spank their children are not always aware of the consequences of using this kind of punishment in bringing them up. Most of them consider spanking to be a useful way of making order when their children misbehave. They are not always aware that hitting may be harmful to their children's body, emotions and psyche. Ten reasons against using spanking as a method of punishing children will be discussed in the following paragraph in which focus is put on negative aspects of spanking.
Physical punishment may lead to serious physical injuries such as bruises, swellings, blood tumours, nerves damage and bone fractures. Adults are not always aware of their physical strength. They can put too much force into hitting their children which can result in serious physical damage. When children make parents very angry it is easy for them to lose control and seriously injure children. What is more, spanking can destroy children's trust in their parents and lower their self-esteem. Parents must remember that they do not want to make their children feel helpless or intimidated. When they discipline children, they want to change specific undesired behaviours. They certainly want them to learn and to feel good about themselves. If parents want to have a good and strong relationship with their children, instead of spanking them they should try using communicative ways of bringing them up. Such ways should be oriented towards co-operation. Furthermore, by spanking children, parents cause the basic acceptance of violence to be passed from generation to generation in the family. It is frequent that spanked children learn to use violence which in turn makes them believe that it is all right to use physical strength in achieving their aims. Similarly, spanking teaches that when someone does something that one does not like, it is okay to hit them. If it is okay for parents to hit children, it must be also okay for children to hit other people too. Moreover, when parents spank their children for misbehaviour they lose a chance to teach them proper behaviour. Spanking is mostly saying "NO!" and children need to hear, "YES." They need to know what they should do and not just what they should not do. Additionally, spanking does not work as well as parents think it does. Fear is an ineffective method of teaching children the proper behaviour. Children who are spanked usually do not misbehave only in the present of adults who they know may spank them. For example, a boy who is spanked for hitting his sister may not hit her again if he knows mom is watching. But when mom is not around, he may hit again. Furthermore, the memories from childhood of children who were spanked are usually full of anger and resentments. This especially applies to children who were spanked not for their misbehaviour but for behaviour which followed from their natural need to explore the world, eat, sleep, move or be paid attention. It is worth to remember that children are human beings whose physical and psychological integrality should be respected. The best way to teach them appropriate behaviour is to talk with them and explain why and how they should behave in certain situations.
Spanking as a method of punishing children has as many supporters as opponents. People who oppose to spanking suggest using other methods which are helpful in bringing up children. They claim that when these methods are used there is no need to use physically punishment. All these alternatives to spanking are about reacting in a proper way to certain misbehaviours of children. The first step is to silence the anger caused by the misbehaviour. To do that, parents should speak aloud about their feeling, e.g. a sentence similar to 'I am very angry and upset' will be a sign for the children to stop acting up or else they are going to be punished. It is also good idea to look at the conflict situation from the point of view of the children as to see if he or she is not right. Sometimes children act up because they want parents' attention. The best way to deal with this type of misbehaviour is to overlook it if it will not hurt the child or other people. Most popular attention-seeking behaviours are tantrums, bad language or whining. Sometimes it is difficult not to react but in this case ignoring the behaviour is the best solution. Moreover, a time-out technique is also said to be very effective as a way of giving punishment to children. A time-out is making children sit in isolated places without anything to do for a short period of time. A time-out should last no more than five minutes. Furthermore, when children fight over something it is a good idea to take away privileges connected with that thing. For example, if a child misuses a toy, it should be taken away for a few hours. The time of the punishment should not be too long as the children may forget what they were punished for. The final and most important thing is to encourage children to behave in a positive way. To do that, parents should connect what they want with what their children ask them for, e.g. they could say to their children that they can watch TV but after they pick up their toys the floor. In this way children would learn that they have to obey their parents in order to be awarded by them.
All in all, spanking as a method of punishing children is highly controversial issue of contemporary times which has its supporters and opponents. According to statistics, almost 90 percent of today's parents spank their children from time to time. Most of them do that because they think it is effective. They think it is so because of the harsh nature of this physical punishment which brings children's immediate attention and makes them immediately stop the misbehaviour. There are good reasons for using other methods of punishment. There are psychological and sociological proofs that it can do more harm than good to young children. There is also a number of methods which can be used instead of physical punishment. All these alternatives are about reacting in a proper way to certain types of the misbehaviours of children. Bringing up children without spanking them is certainly good choice.
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