Sprawdzenie rozprawek: oppinion essay, suggesting solutions - pomoc z angielskiego

Witam, mam do napisania na zajęcia dwie rozprawki z tym, ze nie jestem pewna co do poprawności struktur moich zdań. Będę wdzięczna za wszelkie wskazówki.

p.s. jeszcze taka moja nieśmiała prośbą, praca jest do oddania na jutro, więc dodatkowo wdzięczna za w miarę szybką odpowiedź.

Unemployment constitutes one of the most intricate social and economical problem. It has been of interest sociologists and psychologists for centuries, owing to its serious consequences. The main causes of unemployment are economic recession and redundant , due to changing market demands. Many of the factories are closed down. Increasing of automation is noticeable in the others industries. The direct result of this is a fact that a lot of people live on verge of poverty. Obviously, their life is connected with permanent stress and helplessness. So, serious attempts to halt development of unemployment must be made immediately. As John F. Kennedy said : “ We believe that if men have the talent to invent new machines that put men out of work, they have the talent to put those men back to work.”
One way to overcome the problem of unemployment would be creating incentives industries by Governments. The solution would certainly be a good idea if the Government create more positions. As a result the limit number of workers would be redundant. In consequence, more people would be employ , owing to this the chance of becoming homeless would be also redundant.
By improving the education, the Government could ensure the ability of operating computers and sophisticated machinery. The effect of the process would be the fact that people will have proper qualifications for types of jobs available. In addition, their opportunity to find suitable work is rose.
If free recreational centres for unemployed were to happen, people would spent their time constrictively. Where such facilities could help reduce crime and social problem connected with idleness and boredom . Increasing of self-esteem would be noticeable.
To conclude, I believe there are many steps which should be taken in order to solve the commonplace problem of unemployment. It is needed involvement not only of Government but also of unemployed themselves. Do not you thing it would be the best solution?

Unemployment constitutes one of the most intricate social and economical problem. It has been of interest sociologists and psychologists for centuries, owing to its serious consequences. The main causes of unemployment are economic recession and redundant , due to changing market demands. Many of the factories are closed down. Increasing of automation is noticeable in the others industries. The direct result of this is a fact that a lot of people live on verge of poverty. Obviously, their life is connected with permanent stress and helplessness. So, serious attempts to halt development of unemployment must be made immediately. As John F. Kennedy said : “ We believe that if men have the talent to invent new machines that put men out of work, they have the talent to put those men back to work.”
One way to overcome the problem of unemployment would be creating incentives industries by Governments. The solution would certainly be a good idea if the Government create more positions. As a result the limit number of workers would be redundant. In consequence, more people would be employ , owing to this the chance of becoming homeless would be also redundant.
By improving the education, the Government could ensure the ability of operating computers and sophisticated machinery. The effect of the process would be the fact that people will have proper qualifications for types of jobs available. In addition, their opportunity to find suitable work is rose.
If free recreational centres for unemployed were to happen, people would spent their time constrictively. Where such facilities could help reduce crime and social problem connected with idleness and boredom . Increasing of self-esteem would be noticeable.
To conclude, I believe there are many steps which should be taken in order to solve the commonplace problem of unemployment. It is needed involvement not only of Government but also of unemployed themselves. Do not you thing it would be the best solution?